Annie is on the move......

I have been watching Annie the last few weeks and she has been wanting to crawl so bad! She has been pulling herself and rolling to get where she wants to go like a little crab. Well, On Saturday she was on the floor and her bottle was on the floor and she wanted it and up on her knees she went and crawled a couple times and she has been on the move ever since. I look at her sometimes and I think I how close that we came to losing her and about the other babies that we knew from the NICU that were not as lucky as Annie and their families do not get to experience these special little moments with their babies. I look at Annie and she seems like such a big girl and then we are out in public and someone tells me how little she is and then I am reminded of all that we have been through. I love my little Annie girl so much and I am so glad to be her mom!

some many new things......

Annie is 10 months old today...Can it really be almost a year since our big adventure began??? Annie has came so far! She started holding her own bottle and today she has been getting up on all fours so I know that crawling is just around the corner and I am so excited about it! She is babbling all of the time and I love that too! I am looking for Halloween and Annie dressing up like a butterfly, she is so darn cute! I love all of my children with all of my heart but Annie is special because she almost was not a part of my life, I could have lost her had I gone into labor the night that my water broke and I treasure every single day with and look forward to her discovering all of the adventures that life has for her. The love that I have for her can not be explained. I love her so much!

Thinking Back.........

I have been thinking about the last year and all that I have been through. I thought that I was going to have a baby like the three times I had had one before and this time it was going to be a girl and we were all so excited. Little did I know that I was going to be going on a roller coaster from hell. My whole experence looking back now, I would not have changed anything other then maybe Annie not having to go through so much, but having the time in the hospital and all of the time that I spent with Annie in the NICU made our bond that much stronger. I always knew that there was a reason that Annie was meant to be here and that I was ment to be her mom. She totally amazes me everyday. I head stories about preemies that have had a harder time then annie and live with alot of complications from their prematurity. Annie is technically about 7 months old and she is trying so hard to crawl, she picks things up and is so smart and I feel so extremly lucky to have her. Sometimes when I think about what the out come would have been had she been born on the 16th of Nov. and that is not something that I would have accepted. Annie has always been a fighter from the moment that she came into this world she had purpose. When I would doubt whether or not she was going to come home she would prove to me that I was worrying for nothing because she not going anywhere. I love you miss Analee and I feel blessed every single day to be your mommy!

Our Journey Begins......

I found out on fathers day, June 21st 2009, that I was going to have a baby. After the shock wore off I was excited and was really hoping that I was going to have a little girl. I went for my gender ultrasound on October 18th, and found out that I was having a girl! Jake and I were so excited, especially Jake because she was going to be his first daughter. To be honest I always knew that Annie was going to be a girl, I even had her name picked out Analee Abagail Grace Lindblom. For the most part it was an uneventful unitl November 16th, 2009. I was sitting in the chair eating lunch and Jake was about to go to work and I went to stand up and I thought that I wet my pants. Little did I know that I was starting a long journey that would be full of ups and downs. I went and got Demira from school and headed to see Dr. Barker. When I got to the office they told me that he was at the hospital because it was his surgery day and my mid wife Natasha checked me and told that my water had broken and I needed to head to the hospital to see Dr. Barker. I got there and they hooked me up to the machine to measure for contractions and Annie's heart beat. They gave me a bunch of medicine and started some IV's and checked again to make sure that I did break my water and it came back positive. Dr. Barker told me not to get to comfortable because I was not going to be there too long, he was trying to find me a bed at a hospital that had a NICU and that I was in the grey area because I was only 24 weeks pregnant and he said that if I was to stay pregnant at least 10 more days that it would be better for Annie. Dr. Barker has been a doctor forever and when he was talking to me he looked very scared and I realized that if he was scared then I better be terrified! Two paramedics came and put me in the ambulance and we started our journey to OHSU. We got there and I was taking to the Labor and Delivery floor and they hooked me up to all kinds of machines and did a bunch of tests. They gave me a shot of steroids and then another one 24 hours later to help Annie's lungs develop in case she was born that night or shortly after. All kinds of people came in talk to me from all different places, dieticians, doctors, nurses, someone from the NICU and all I wanted was for someone to tell me if my baby was going to be ok. I stayed at Labor and Delivery for two days and then I was transfered to the 14th floor which is where I stayed for two weeks until I was transfered to the 13th floor. They had told me that I was going to be scheduled for a C-section at 34 weeks which ment that I was going to be there for 10 weeks hopefully, which ment 10 weeks away from home and away from my other kids. That was a really hard thing for me. I want to go home and be with my other kids because I felt guilty being away from them but I needed to keep Annie inside as long as possible for her survival and I felt guilty for wanting to go home. I made little goals, first was 26 weeks, then 27 and so on. I went to labor and delivery every day to have a non stress test to make sure that Annie was still doing ok and then I stayed in my room other then when I went to scrap book, or make things with Jennifer from the march of dimes. I also got to leave every saturday when Jake would bring Demira, Noah and Kasyn to visit me. They could not come to see me in my room because of the swine flu epidemic. I would have not liked it if they could not come and seen me at all! On December 14th, I went back to Labor and Delivery because I was having some bleeding and spent the night. My bleeding stopped and was taken back to my room which I was very happy because I hated being down there. Then on the 18th I was taking a nap and when I woke up and went to the bathroom I was bleeding really bad so I went down to the Labor and Delivery again and they told me that I had to stay there. I was scared because even though I had kept Annie inside me for another 5 weeks I was not sure that it was long enough to make her be ok. On the morning of the 19th Dr. Moy came in and told me that I was losing too much blood and that Annie needed to be born that day because they thought that I was having a placental abruption which is when you have a blood clot on your placenta. I was really scared and called Jake to tell him that Annie was coming and he was at home getting the kids ready because they were going to go to OMSI to celebrate Demira's birthday that day and I knew that there was no way that he was going to make it there so I called Jenny and asked her if she could come I wanted her to be there. They took me into the operating room and it took along time to get the spinal and epideral in and it was painful but finally it was done and then Jenny came in and I was relieved to have someone there and appreciated it so much! My suregery started at 10:19 am and at 11:05 am my beautiful Analee was born. She was 2 pounds 9.3 ounces and 14.5 inches long. She did not cry and that scared me but Jenny came in and told me that she was doing ok so that made me feel better. they told me that once she started to breathe she was really fiesty and they had to tie her arms and legs down so the could get the IV's and ventilator in. At 12:30 my surgery was complete and I was headed to recovery. When I was in recovery it seemed like forever and I was so scared and worried about Annie, I wanted to see her so much but I was so scared because I did not want to lose her, I knew that I would not be ok without her. I went to my room and went to see Annie about 5 and her doctor, Dr. Gillhooly came in to tell me that she was on 100% oxygen and that she had lung disease and I was so scared that I did not think that I was ready to see her yet, so I decided to wait a little bit longer. One of my favorite nurses, Jennifer, came in and told me that she was going to be going home and she wanted to meet Annie before she went home and she would love to go to the NICU with me so I said ok. As I was gettingg into my wheel chair here came the doctor again and my heart dropped because I thought that he was there to give me some bad news but I was wrong, he came to tell me that Annie was off of the oxygen and she was doing great and he was really happy with her progress. I went to see her and I could not believe how small she was! She was so beautiful, just little! I thought that she looked alot like her dad and I was so proud to be her mom! I spent the next four days with her and then it was time for me to be released from the hospital and go home! It was so hard to leave her there! I was glad to be home with my other kids but there was a piece of my that was missing and I needed her home too! On January 29th, Jake and I were at home and we get a call from the doctor. Annie was regressing on her breathing and had to be put back on the C-pap machine and they were worried that she had an infection and wanted us to give them authorization to do a spinal tap to make sure that she did not have an infection in her brain and they were doing ultrasounds and X-rays every 30 minutes to make sure that she did not have a hole in her bowel that is a common thing that happens to preemies. Moments after hanging up the phone we were heading up to the hospital. That drive seemed to take forever! Jake had to stop and get coffee and even 10 minutes exta seemed like a lifetime to me. wwe finally got there and grabbed our pillows and blankets and headed to the NICU. When we got there Annie was back on her ventilator and did not look so good. We had a very sweet nurse that showed us alot of compassion because all that I could do was sit there and cry. My little girl was so sick and there was nothing that I could about it. On the ventilator machine there were red and yellow lines, when the machine was doing all of Annie's breathing for her it would be red but when she would initiate breaths on her own then it would be yellow. There was very little yellow if any that night. They gave her broad spectrum antibiotics and told me by the next morning she should start to be back to her old self again or a lot better anyway. I sat next to her bed for a long time and the nurse came in and told me that we could go into the breast feeding room and get some sleep which I did appreciate and I tried but all that I could think about was Annie and her getting better. A few hours later at 7 we went into see her before we had to leave to get the other kids and there was alot of yellow on her ventilator and I was so happy, when I talked to her she would have a bunch of yellow. I felt better leaving her there knowing that she was starting to do better again. They did more x-rays and still found nothing. Annie was doing ok and holding her own but she would not do too well when her feeds would get higher and higher. She would have alot of residual and she would throw up. They tried giving her formula over longer periods of time and nothing seemed to be working and was not making alot of progress in her feeds. Then when she was about 6 weeks old on February 3rd, 2010, They did a swollow study to see where the formula went and they discovered that she had a blockage in her intestine called a deodonal atresia. That meant that she was going to have to have surgery and I was terrified! I talked to a couple different doctors and they assured me that she was strong enough to make it through surgery or they would not be doing it and that made me feel better. The day before Annie's surgery I went to the hospital to spend the day with her. That was the worst day that we had together. Annie was not about the hold her blood pressure or her oxygen and she kept flat lining and I was terrified. The nurse and I were talking and we decided that Annie needed to have a blood transfusion to oxygenate her blood. Dr. Smith came in and told me that she would check Annie's labs and make sure that she was not fighting an infection and if not then she would get her some blood. They did give her blood and she had a complete turn around. The next day when Jake and I came for her surgery, Dr. Smith came up to me and told me that I might not be a doctor but never underestimate the fact that I was Annie's mom and for the first time I really did feel like her mom. We walked Annie down for her surgery and she pulled her c-pap on the way down and when we got there she looked up at me like was is going on here mom??? It broke my heart because if something were to happen that would be the last image that I would have of my little girl. Jake and I went to the waiting room by the NICU and waiting for our little girl to come back. I looked up and saw the PANDA team bringing her back to her bed. The doctor told us that when they got inside that her colon was not attached to anything so they took out her apendex so they could attach it and not she was a whole new woman!Annie was so swollen from the fluids that they gave her and she looked so bad that it made me cry. They were giving her very strong medicine for her pain. They next day Annie's kidneys were not working and they She stayed on the ventilator for about a week and then they took her off. She started getting better and better and that made me so happy! They moved her from POD 2 back to her POD 7 and they started giving her a bottle and she was eating like a champ but after she would eat she would decide to stop breathing again. After about a week of that they decided to do another swallow study because they told me that her intestine could have grown back together which meant another surgery adn thank god it was ok and she just needed some more time to learn to eat. About a week later they discovered that she was having some acid reflux and so they started her on reglan and another medicine that would help her with her motility. They also raised her bed up a little so that she would not have to be laying flat on her back. That seemed to make all of the difference and it was just a matter of getting her to eat all of her feedings from a bottle. Slowly but surely she was getting better and closer and closer to coming home. I went to visit her on a monday and the doctor came by to see us. I asked him if he had a guess when she was going to come home and he looked at me and said Thursday or Friday! I was like OMG! Today is Monday! LOL I wanted her to come home so bad but now that it was so close I was not sure that I was ready. Well, that sunday Jake and went to the hospital to spend the night because that is what the parents have to do before they take their babies home. We gave her a bath and fed her and tucked her in before we went to the cafeteria for our final dinner there! we then came back for another feeding and then went into the room that they had for us to stay in. It was very nice with a bed and shower and I should have slept better but I was so excited to bring her home I could hardly sleep! At 7 am we were showered and ready for the biggest day of Annie's life so far! We went and fed her and then went to the cafeteria to have some breakfast and then back to the NICU so that we could learn how to use the Apnea monitor that she was being sent with and for our CPR class. Then we went to get all of Annie's things together and they showed us on more time how to put a feeding tube in before we went home with our miracle. Then it was time to put our baby girl in her car seat and then in her stroller and take her home. Leaving there was kind of scary, we were taking her home and it was just us, no doctors or nurses and we are leaving behind the people that we have grown to love that took care of Annie when we couldn't and made her strong so that we could take her home. We finally were able to take Annie home and be a family!